1. Mitt rhymes with tit.
2. Mittens rhymes with kittens.
3. Your children will abstain from sex until you are ready for grandchildren.
4. Nobody will ever have gay sex again.
5. The UN black helicopter program will shut down immediately.
6. While you will be forced to carry your birth certificate around at all times, you’ll never have to pay taxes or show your tax records.
7. The nation will stop using drugs, alcohol and caffeine.
8. Not only will you build your own business, serfs will help you!
9. You will no longer be working at Wal-Mart. By this time next year you’ll be making $2 million a year at a job that provides great health care and you’ll need those tax breaks.
10. If you are male, having sister wives to service you means you’ll never have to use porn or masturbate again.
11. If you are female, your sister wives will take turns doing their duty so you won’t have to do that disgusting thing with your husband anywhere near as often.
12. Your son will really know how to get a good shave, wear white shirts and sensible ties.
13. You won’t have to worry about getting a liberal education to do your job. Educated people from the far east will do it instead.
14. Once birth control is outlawed, all the unwanted children will be sure to keep our prisons full, creating lots of great blue collar jobs in the correctional industry.
15. Additional wars will help thin the herd.
16. Your annoying neighbors will have a far higher chance of getting sick and dying.
17. Those pesky homosexual urges that keep you up at night will immediately go away.
18. Who doesn’t want to support a religion that is even more insane than Scientology?
19. You think the conspiracy theories about Obama are fun? Wait til the ones about Mitt hit the Internet.
20. Four years of great Internet memes.
21. Because… reasons.
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