Ten stupid questions vegans get asked
April 9, 7:21 PM
The following is a list of stupid questions that vegans get asked with some tongue-in-cheek responses for your entertainment. Please note, I could go into immense detail to seriously address each and every one of these questions, but I will save that for later FAQs. Enjoy!
1) Don't you miss cheese?
I miss cheese about as much as I miss drinking Pepto-Bismol as a kid.
2) If everyone went vegan, wouldn't animals take over the world?
Yes, animals would take over the world and cows would be breaking down our doors! You do realize that these animals exist only because we breed them into existence, right?
3) Aren't you hurting plants?
Plants do not have central nervous systems, therefore are not sentient, therefore do not feel pain. C'mon, really?
4) Where do you get your protein?
Newsflash!! Almost ALL foods contain protein and guess what? We don't even need to combine them! This question must be straight out of 1983.
5) Do you eat fish?
Biology 101: Fish belong to the ANIMAL kingdom.
6) Wouldn't cows explode if we didn't milk them?
Why don't you go ask a mother that did not breast feed if her breasts are still intact. The only reason cows GIVE milk is because they are pregnant. Again, Biology 101.
7) Why don't you care about people?
I don't know about you, but I am capable of caring about more than one thing at a time. I guess someone with two children can only care about one of them with that logic.
8) Where do you get calcium if you don't drink milk?
Broccoli, brussels sprouts and most leafy greens offer more available calcium than cow's milk. Brussels sprouts clock in at around 68% absorption and I believe cow's milk clocks in somewhere around 32%. Where do you think cultures that don't drink milk get their calcium, dummy?
9) What do you eat, like salads and tofu?
Sometimes I throw in some iceberg lettuce for variety!
10) Isn't it hard being vegan?
Isn't it hard ripping through the greasy crust of a chicken wing, chewing around the cartilage, then picking the tendons out of your teeth afterwards? The only thing hard about being vegan is dealing with all these stupid, nonsensical questions.